Bound in Permanent Femininity

PART 2 — THE FRIENDSHIP

CHAPTER FOUR — THE BOY BEHIND THE SMILE

College days. Few years back...

The first time Anvi noticed Rajvir, there was nothing particularly dramatic about the moment. It was an ordinary morning during the first week of college, when the corridors were crowded with students who were still trying to remember classroom numbers, professors were repeatedly asking everyone to maintain discipline, and groups of strangers were slowly becoming friends. Anvi was standing near the college notice board with Sia, pretending to read some lists on the board while actually observing almost everyone around her, when she noticed a boy walking toward them with several books pressed against his chest. He was dressed simply, spoke politely whenever someone crossed his path, and seemed completely uninterested in showing off. When another student accidentally bumped into him, Rajvir simply smiled and said, "It's okay, don't worry," before continuing toward his classroom.

Anvi watched him for a few seconds before quietly saying, "That guy seems different."

Sia looked in the direction she was pointing and raised an eyebrow. "Different? How?"

"I don't know," Anvi replied, still watching him. "He just seems... too decent."

Sia laughed softly. "We're in college, Anvi. Give him a few weeks."

Neither of them knew that Rajvir had actually heard the last part of their conversation. He turned his head slightly, smiled to himself, and continued walking without saying anything.

That was how their friendship began—not with a dramatic introduction, but with a series of small coincidences that gradually became important. They ended up sitting near one another during lectures, then started sharing notes, and eventually discovered that they lived in the same city and frequently travelled along similar routes. Anvi was outspoken, confident and naturally dominant in almost every situation. She could argue with a professor without becoming nervous and could convince an entire group to follow her plan within minutes. Sia was more composed, but beneath her calm personality was a strong will of her own. Coming from a wealthy family, she had grown up accustomed to getting what she wanted, although she wasn't cruel or selfish by nature. Rajvir, on the other hand, was the balancing force between them. Whenever Anvi and Sia disagreed, he was usually the one who listened to both sides before quietly saying something that somehow made both girls stop arguing.

"You're both impossible," he would often tell them.

Anvi would immediately point toward Sia and say, "Tell her that."

Sia would point toward Anvi and reply, "No, tell her."

Rajvir would look at both of them, shake his head and say, "I don't know why I became friends with you two."

Yet he never actually left.

As the semesters passed, their friendship became stronger. They studied together, ate lunch together, celebrated birthdays together, helped each other through examinations, and spent countless evenings simply sitting somewhere on campus talking about their families, ambitions and fears. Without realizing it, the three students who had once been strangers had become best friends.

There was, however, one part of Rajvir's past life that neither Anvi nor Sia knew.

Rajvir was the only son of Madhavi, a traditional Maharashtrian dancer who had devoted much of her life to dance. She had trained in classical forms and was particularly known for her lavani performances, while also teaching kathak and performing selected cinematic dance styles. Her small dance studio at home had always been filled with music, ghungroos, colourful sarees, jewellery boxes, dance photographs and the voices of female students rehearsing their steps.

Rajvir had grown up in that environment.

His father had chosen the name Rajvir because he wanted his son to carry a strong, masculine identity, and Rajvir himself had eventually grown into a young man who appeared masculine and confident to the outside world. Yet his mother had always known the softer side of him, because she had watched it develop since childhood.

When Rajvir was very young, he would sit beside his mother while she prepared for performances and imitate her hand movements. Since most of her students were girls, the costumes available around the house were usually traditional women's dance costumes. As a child, Rajvir had sometimes dressed in those costumes while practising with his mother, and she had never considered it strange or embarrassing. To her, he was simply her son learning dance.

"Beta, place your feet properly," she would tell him while correcting his posture. "Dance isn't done only with the feet; you have to dance from the heart."

Rajvir would nod seriously and try again.

His mother had taught him expressions, rhythm, posture and discipline, but more importantly, she had taught him that art did not belong to one gender or another. For Rajvir, those childhood years were among his happiest memories.

Growing older, however, changed things.

He became more conscious of how other people might look at him, and gradually he stopped dancing in front of others. He stopped touching the girly costumes. He became more traditionally masculine in his clothing and behaviour, and whenever his mother mentioned his childhood performances, he would become embarrassed and change the subject.

The softness never disappeared, though.

It remained in the way he spoke, the patience he showed, the compassion he had for people, and the way he treated his mother with enormous affection.

Anvi and Sia eventually discovered this hidden part of his past quite accidentally.

One afternoon, both girls visited Rajvir's house to work on a college assignment. While Rajvir was in the kitchen preparing tea, Sia went into his bedroom to look for something, and while searching through a shelf she noticed an old photograph album. She opened it without thinking much about it.

Then she stopped.

Anvi came over to see what had caught her attention, and the two girls stared at the photograph in silence.

It was Rajvir.

Only much younger.

He was dressed in a traditional feminine dance costume, with his fake hair styled for a performance and his face glowing with the innocent happiness of a child who had no concern whatsoever about how the world might judge him.

There were several more photographs.

In one, he was dancing beside his mother. In another, he was sitting with his ghungroos tied around his ankles. In another, he was smiling at the camera while wearing a traditional Maharashtrian costume.

Anvi's mouth fell open.

"Is that Rajvir?"

Sia slowly nodded. "It is."

Before they could say anything else, Rajvir's voice came from behind them.

"You girls, what are you doing in my bedroom?"

Both girls turned.

Rajvir stood in the doorway, and the moment he saw the album in Sia's hands, his expression changed completely.

"Give me that."

Sia smiled mischievously. "Raj..."

"Sia, give it to me."

Anvi couldn't stop herself from getting involved. "You were really cute."

"Don't."

"You danced like this?"

"I was a child."

Anvi took the album from Sia. "You actually dressed like this for dance performances?"

Rajvir took the album from her and quickly closed it.

"My mother was a dancer. I was a child. That's all."

Madhavi entered the room at that moment and immediately understood what had happened.

She smiled.

"Did they find the photographs?" she asked.

Rajvir looked embarrassed. "Aai..."

Madhavi laughed. "Why are you embarrassed? You used to dance beautifully."

Anvi and Sia looked at Rajvir with renewed curiosity.

"You should dance again."

Rajvir immediately shook his head.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

Sia smiled. "You're scared."

Rajvir looked at her. "I'm not scared."

"Then dance."

"No."

Sia quietly studied the photographs again.

Something about them stayed in her mind.

Not the clothes. Not the old-fashioned photographs.

Rajvir's expression. He looked completely free.
For the first time, she wondered what had happened to that carefree child.

And Anvi wondered the same.

Neither girl said what she was thinking.

Not yet.

---

CHAPTER FIVE — THE SECRET PERFORMANCE

The college cultural festival was announced several weeks later, and the entire campus suddenly became busy with rehearsals. Students were forming music groups, preparing plays, practising traditional performances and competing over who would represent their departments. Anvi immediately decided that the three friends should participate in something together, but Rajvir refused every suggestion she made.

"Come on, Rajjo," Sia said mischievously one afternoon while the three of them were sitting beneath a large tree on campus.
*Rajjo*. First time someone had called Rajvir by this name.

"At least participate in the cultural festival."

"I'll come and watch."

"No, you'll participate."

"I don't dance anymore and you know it."

Sia looked at him thoughtfully. "You still know how."

"That doesn't mean I want to perform."

Anvi leaned closer. "Lavani?"

Rajvir almost dropped the bottle of water in his hand.

"Absolutely not."

Both girls burst into laughter.

"You are so easy to tease," Sia said.

Rajvir shook his head. "You two have too much free time."

But despite his repeated refusal, the idea stayed somewhere in his mind.

That evening, when Rajvir returned home, he found his mother practising in the living room. He stood quietly near the doorway for several minutes, watching her move through an old choreography that he remembered from childhood. The music brought back memories he had deliberately pushed aside—the sound of ghungroos, the smell of stage makeup, his mother's voice correcting his movements, and the strange freedom he had once felt while dancing.

Madhavi noticed him.

"You want to say something?"

Rajvir smiled faintly. "Aai, can I borrow your dance costumes?"

His mother stopped.

She looked at him carefully before answering.

"Why?"

"Nothing. There's a college cultural festival."

"Are you thinking about dancing?"

"I don't know."

Madhavi walked toward him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to dance for anyone, Beta. But if you miss it, don't stop yourself because you're worried about what other people might say."

Rajvir looked down.

"Maybe I do miss it."

"Then dance."

He smiled.

On the day of the cultural festival, the auditorium was packed. Anvi and Sia sat together among the audience, expecting Rajvir to appear somewhere in audience but having absolutely no idea what he had planned.

The announcer introduced the next performance as a special traditional presentation.

The lights dimmed.

The music began.

Then Rajvir walked onto the stage.

For several seconds, Anvi and Sia simply stared.

Rajvir had completely transformed himself. He was wearing a traditional Maharashtrian nauvari saree in a lavani-style drape, accompanied by traditional women's accessories that completed the look. He, sorry, she even adorned her artificial hair in a graceful bun, embellished with a delicate gajra—an exquisite epitome of timeless beauty. His appearance was unmistakably feminine, but there was nothing uncertain about the way "she" carried herself. She stood confidently under the stage lights, with calm and focused expression.

Sia whispered, "Rajjo..."

Anvi couldn't answer.

Then the music began to build.

Rajvir started dancing.

At first, the audience was surprised, but within moments the surprise disappeared because his performance was so confident and graceful. The years of training he had received from his mother came back naturally. His footwork was precise, his expressions expressive, and his movements carried the confidence of someone who had finally stopped worrying about how he might be perceived.

Anvi watched without blinking.

Sia watched him with an expression she couldn't explain even to herself.

The boy they had known as their gentle, dependable best friend had suddenly revealed a side of himself that had been hidden for years.

When the performance ended, the auditorium erupted into applause.

Rajvir stood on stage for a moment, breathing heavily, before smiling.

He had done it.

He had returned to something he thought he had lost forever.

The judges eventually announced the results.

Rajvir had won first place.

Anvi was waiting backstage when he returned.

"You!"

Rajvir laughed. "What?"

"You lied to us!" Sia fake scolded him.

"I didn't lie."

"You said you weren't going to dance." Anvi continued.

"I said I didn't want to tell you."

"That's worse!"

Sia still smiling.

She looked at him for a moment before saying softly, "Rajjo."

Rajvir groaned. "Please don't start."

Anvi laughed. "Too late. You are Rajvi to me now."

"And Rajjo to me forever," Sia also declared under a soft smile.

"I am not Rajvi. And I'm not Rajjo as well."

"You are."

"No. I'm not." Currently in his most feminine avatar, adjusting his pinching nose ring and delicately arranging the dangling pallu, Rajvir still denied.

Sia smiled. "You definitely are."

Rajvir shook his head, but despite his embarrassment, he was smiling.

For the first time in years, he had performed without feeling ashamed of the part of himself that his mother had always loved.

And while he celebrated his victory, neither Anvi nor Sia could ignore the feelings that had quietly growing inside them.

They had both admired Rajvir's kindness for a long time.

They had both trusted him more than anyone else.

But now, after seeing him reveal a side of himself that even he had hidden, their affection had deepened into something neither was willing to name.

Neither girl told anyone.

Not even each other - not even themselves.

---

CHAPTER SIX — THE FEELINGS THEY HID

The months that followed were among the happiest of their college years, but beneath the laughter and friendship, a quiet emotional battle had begun.

Anvi and Sia had both developed a crush on Rajvir, and because both were strong-minded in their own ways, neither wanted to admit that she was slowly becoming jealous whenever another girl became too friendly with him.

Rajvir, completely unaware of the situation, continued treating both girls exactly as he always had.

He remembered their favourite foods, helped them with assignments, waited for them after lectures, and often walked them home when they returned late from college events. He never realised that small things he did without thinking were becoming increasingly important to both girls.

One evening, the three friends were sitting in the college canteen when Anvi suddenly asked Rajvir, "What kind of person would you want to marry in future?"

Rajvir looked up from his book.

"What kind of question is that?"

"A normal one."

"No, it isn't."

Sia smiled from across the table. "Answer her."

Rajvir thought for a moment.

"I don't know."

"You must have thought about it."

"Not really."

Anvi leaned forward. "Then what matters to you?"

Rajvir was quiet for a few seconds before saying, "Someone who understands me."

"Understands what?" Sia questioned.

Rajvir smiled faintly.

"Me. Not what other people think I should be."

Neither girl knew what to say.

The sentence stayed with both of them long after the conversation ended.

As college progressed, Rajvir became increasingly comfortable with himself, although he still refused whenever Sia or Anvi asked him to let them see his "Rajjo" / "Rajvi" avatar again.

"One more time" Anvi would say.

"No."

"For us."

"No."

"Please?"

"Absolutely not."

Sia would then smile and add, "Rajjo is becoming stubborn."

Rajvir would reply, "I'm protecting myself from both of you."

But despite his repeated refusals, both girls secretly hoped he would surprise them again.

The final year arrived faster than they expected.

And, farewell preparations began.

Everyone was talking about what they would wear, where they would go afterward, and how strange it felt to imagine never sitting in the same classroom again.

The three friends spent an entire evening together discussing their plans.

"We'll stay in touch," Anvi said confidently.

Rajvir smiled. "Obviously."

Sia looked at them.

"People always say that before graduation."

"We're not like other people," Anvi replied.

Sia smiled. She wanted to believe that. She wanted the three of them to remain together forever.

But by then, her feelings for Rajvir, her "Rajjo", had become too deep to ignore.

She loved him. But she had never told him. She had never told Anvi.

And because she knew Anvi had also become extremely close to him, Sia had convinced herself that silence was the safest option.

Anvi had made the same decision.

Neither knew the other was secretly in love with Rajvir.

Then came farewell night.

Rajvir arrived late. Again.

Anvi and Sia were already inside the decorated hall, surrounded by music and college friends.

The doors opened.

Rajvir walked in.

Both girls turned.

He was once again dressed in a saree, but this time his appearance was completely different from the traditional look he had worn at the cultural festival. He was in a modern party-style saree, paired with elegant accessories and a contemporary blouse, creating a delicate and sophisticated feminine appearance.

Anvi stared at him.

Sia felt her heart sink.

Rajvir looked around nervously.

"Don't make this awkward."

Anvi walked toward him.

"You actually did it again."

He smiled.

"Just for tonight."

"Why?"

He looked around the hall.

"Because college is ending, and I wanted to leave with one memory — the priceless, utterly awestruck faces of you two girls."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me." Sia said, hiding all the love she had kept in her heart.

Anvi's expression softened.

She wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the courage.

The farewell continued with music, dance, and photographs, but eventually, Anvi found the most beautiful girl of the evening—her “Rajvi”—outside the hall, away from the crowd, looking slightly flustered as she adjusted her fake long hair and the delicate pallu of her beautiful saree, every bit the picture of feminine grace.

She had spent years keeping her feelings hidden.

Tonight, she decided she couldn't do it anymore.

"Rajvir."

He turned toward her.

"Yes?"

"I need to tell you something."

Rajvir noticed the seriousness in her voice.

"What happened?"

Anvi took a breath.

"I love you. And I love Rajvi - whichever form you choose to be"

Rajvir froze.

Anvi continued, her voice becoming softer.

"I've loved you for a long time. I didn't say anything because I was afraid of losing our friendship, but I can't keep pretending anymore that you're only my best friend."

For several seconds, Rajvir said nothing.

Then his expression softened.

‘I love you too,’ he said, tucking his long hair behind his ear like a blushing girl being proposed to.

Anvi stared at him.

"You do?"

He nodded.

"I've been afraid to tell you for exactly the same reason."

Her eyes filled with tears, and she hugged him. Anvi hugged her Rajvi.

Neither of them noticed Sia standing a little distance away.

She had come looking for Rajvir, ready to finally confess what she had kept buried in her heart. But after seeing them together and hearing those words, she quietly let the moment pass.

For a moment, the world seemed to stop.
Then Sia forced a smile onto her face and walked toward them, taking her unspoken feelings with her.

"Congratulations you guys."

Anvi immediately took her hand.

"Thank you so much, babe."

Sia smiled. She congratulated them. She laughed with them. She took photographs with them. She acted as though she was genuinely happy. Nobody knew that she was hiding years of love behind that smile. Nobody knew that every word of congratulations hurt.

And nobody knew that this was the last night the three friends would stand together as they once had.